Awkward Turtle
by KeyLimePie14
Summary: One-shot. Carly's dad suggests that Spencer give Carly 'the talk'. Well, nothing ever goes the way it was planned. No pairing.


**This isn't my best work, but I had the idea and POOF! this is what I got. xD**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**"Awkward Turtle"**

**FanFic by: KeyLimePie14**

* * *

"Carly?" Spencer Shay shakily set the phone receiver that was shaped like the top of a muffin back onto its base that was, logically shaped like the bottom of a muffin. Carly, his little sister, looked up from her position on the couch.

"Yeah, Spence?" She questioned, her eyebrows furrowing together at her brother's pale face and somewhat scared expression. Spencer simply made his way over to the couch and sat down beside her. "Are you alright?" Spencer shook his head and sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"Carly…Dad thinks it's time you had…" Spencer gulped and looked at his sister apologetically, "He thinks I should give you 'the talk' since there's no one else but me to do it." Carly's eyes grew large and she could feel her face heating up.

"Why?" She breathed. Spencer only shrugged.

"Because you're sixteen…and…we both know that you've," Spencer coughed to clear his throat, "Grown up quite a bit…and…it's only a matter of time before the boys are all over you…and uhm…" Carly held her hand up to stop Spencer's rambling.

"Spencer, you don't have to uhm, give me that talk." Spencer looked skeptical for a moment, for while he may not have wanted to have been the one to talk to her about this, he also wanted her informed so that she didn't do anything she would regret.

"I think I do Carly. I don't want you to get into a situation that you're not comfortable with or that—." Carly cut him off.

"Sam already gave me that talk." She blurted out, feeling only slightly bad for lying to her brother. After all, she only did it to save herself and her brother from an awkward experience. Spencer's eyebrow shot up questioningly at the mention of the blonde girl.

"Sam…?" He questioned apprehensively, "What exactly did she tell you?" Carly's face flushed pink, thinking she'd gotten caught in a lie. "I mean, how can I trust that Sam told you the right stuff?" Carly thought for a moment, trying to remember what all they'd told her about in the Sex Education speech they had when she was a freshman. She couldn't remember much as she had been so embarrassed that she'd tried to block out as much of it as she could.

"Oh, just, you know…the basic stuff." Carly vaguely replied, hoping Spencer would accept that answer and drop the topic entirely. Spencer however, wasn't so sure that Carly's best friend was the _best _person to be telling Carly about sex.

"So you know abstinence is the best route to go, right?" Carly nodded feverishly as she felt her face heat up once more. It appeared that Spencer was more prepared for this than she.

"Yes, Spence. They told us all about It freshman year." That was one thing she remembered the old nurse preaching about over and over. _"Abstinence is the only sure-fire proof to prevent STDs and pregnancy." _

"You've already had this talk?" Carly nodded a little bit. "So you already know the important things you need to know?" Carly hesitated a moment, but nodded again. Spencer exhaled, looking relieved. "So we don't…need to talk about this?"

"No…I think I'm good." Carly offered Spencer a nervous smile. Spencer nodded and stood up, brushing his sweaty palms off on his jeans.

"Good. Then…you can resume doing whatever you were doing." Spencer nodded curtly at her and then made his way down the hallway to his bedroom, exhaling in relief as he did so.

Carly laughed a bit despite herself and leaned back into the couch, returning her eyes to the television show she'd been watching. By now it was almost over, but she didn't care. She would use anything she could to get her mind off the questions that she'd actually wanted to know the answers to.

"Yo Carls!" Carly looked up to see Sam walking through her front door, a bucket of chicken under one arm and a bowl of mashed potatoes in the other. Sam smiled and held up the bowl, "I brought lunch!" Carly grimaced slightly as her best friend took a chicken leg out of the bucket and bite into it.

"No…thank you?" She chuckled, "I've already eaten." Sam shrugged as she past the brunette girl and headed toward the kitchen, setting her food down on the table as she got out a glass and filled it with the fruit punch that was sitting on the counter.

"So what's up?" Sam asked a few moments later as she plopped down beside Carly on the couch. She settled her drink in between her legs and took another bite of chicken as well as a spoonful of potatoes.

"Oh nothing much…Just watching T.V., Dad called a while ago." Carly replied, not glancing over at the sickening sight that was her friend eating.

"Oh really?" Sam questioned through her food. "What'd he have to say?" Sam knew that Carly's dad didn't call often and that every time he did Carly got really excited. But today Carly just shrugged.

"Same ol', same ol'. He's hoping to transfer to a base closer to Seattle. Then maybe he can visit on holidays and stuff..." Sam's face lit up with a big smile upon hearing Carly's good news. She even set down her chicken and grabbed onto Carly's shoulders, making Carly look at her.

"Holy chiz! This is big, Carly!" Carly offered a distracted smile and shrugged.

"He never said he was transferring. He just said he was going to _try._" Sam's smile faded and turned into a more concerned look.

"Whoa, Carly. What's wrong?" She let go of Carly's shoulders, but kept scanning her friend's face for any hint as to what was wrong. Carly just shook her head and ran a hand through her hair as she looked down.

"Nothing Sam. Just, ah…" She looked back up and met Sam's eyes again. "Spencer…he tried to give me…'the talk'." Her voice got lower at the last part and her face flushed. Sam's eyebrows furrowed in confusion because she didn't catch the end of her friend's statement.

"What was that?" Carly's face flushed even deeper as she repeated it louder. Sam's eyes grew large as a smirk found its way onto her face. "How'd that go?" She asked, not being able to hold back her giggles. Carly glared at her friend and sighed.

"It was almost traumatizing, Sam! Don't laugh!" Sam noticed the horrified look on her friend's face and tried to stop her laughter.

"I'm sorry Carly, but that's really funny. I can only imagine how awkward turtle that was." Carly groaned and buried her face in her hands.

"You don't even know! Sam," She pulled her head up and looked at Sam, "I had to _lie _to him." Sam's face almost immediately sobered.

"You _lied_? Carly Shay? Lied?" Carly weakly nodded.

"YES! I told him you'd already told me about sex." Sam's eyes widened slightly and she smirked. She leaned forward to rest her elbows on Carly's knee and cupped her head in her hands, looking her friend in the eye.

"Then would you please remind me what I told you exactly?" Sam was trying desperately to hold a straight face, but failed as a few giggles escaped her lips. Carly's face contorted with frustration and she grabbed Sam's forearms, throwing the blonde girl backwards.

"Whatever-." Carly's sentence was cut short as Spencer came in the room the same nervous expression on his face that had been there all day.

"Hey Carly?" He asked hesitantly, making both of the girls turn to look at him. "Uhm, I know you weren't comfortable talking to me about that stuff earlier, so…" He paused and rubbed the back of his neck, "I asked Mrs. Benson if she would talk to you." Carly's eyes immediately shot open and Sam began rolling in laughter.

"Uh-uh, Spencer?" Her voice was eerily calm, despite the anguish that was going on inside.

"Yes?" His voice squeaked slightly. Carly stood from the couch.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I WANT TO TALK TO HER!?!" Her outburst shocked everyone in the room, including herself. "I don't--." Once again Carly's sentence was cut off by the apartment door opening and Freddie stepping in.

"I heard screaming. Are you guys okay?" He looked kind of scared. Sam just scoffed.

"You would freak out over a little screaming." Freddie mocked her and Sam simply rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to retort.

"Guys, now really isn't the time." For the first time Freddie's gaze drifted to Carly.

"Whoa, Carls…" He stepped closer to her, "Are you okay? You're really pale." Carly brushed his concern off and sighed, collapsing back onto the couch.

"Carls, are you really that upset about this?" Sam scooted closer to her friend. Carly nodded and dropped her head onto Sam's shoulder.

"I thought Mrs. Benson would help! She didn't want to talk to me!" Spencer shifted uneasily from where he stood observing his sister encounter a breakdown. Freddie's eyes widened in realization.

"Oh my God…_that's _what she was talking about!" Freddie looked as freaked out as Carly. "Carly," He started, "If I were you I would run in 5, 4, 3, 2…" At that moment Mrs. Benson appeared through the already open doorway.

"Hey guys, I really don't think Carly wants to talk with all of--." Mrs. Benson was cut off by her son.

"Uhm, Mom…" He started, shooting a look at Sam showing he knew how to handle this situation, "Carly already had 'the talk'. She doesn't need you." Mrs. Benson's face reflected confusion.

"But I thought Spencer," She glanced over at the man, "Said that she needed someone to talk to." Freddie gulped.

"Well, yeah! She _did_, but she doesn't anymore." Mrs. Benson was torn for a moment, but then glanced over at Carly, who appeared traumatized and figured she had been talked to.

"Okay…If you're sure." Freddie nodded. "I'll just leave then." She turned to go back to her apartment but stopped for a second and turned around, "Oh Freddie? Your ointment arrived. You need to be home in an hour so I can put it on." Freddie groaned and hurriedly walked behind her, grabbing the door.

"Okay, bye Mom!" He shuffled her out the door and shut it closed. "She's crazy." He breathed, ignoring Sam's smirk.

"Are you gonna be okay, Carly?" Spencer asked, concerned for his little sister. He could remember when his father gave him the talk; he couldn't look at bananas for a year. Spencer shuttered.

Carly nodded, "Yeah, now that she's gone!" Spencer laughed.

"Sorry about that…"

"It's fine." Carly assured, untangling herself from Sam and sitting back.

"Well, okay. I'm just gonna go—." Spencer gave his sister a weak smile and darted back into his room, having endured enough awkward moments for the day.

"So…" Sam started, "Do you still want me to give you 'the talk'?" She questioned, a smile evident on her face.

Upon hearing this Freddie's eyes shot open. "I'm out." He stated and opened the door. "I'll talk to you later!" He shouted behind him before the door shut.

Sam laughed and rolled her eyes, "I would have talked to him too!" She joked, making Carly smile. Sam nudged Carly playfully, "I'm serious now, what questions did you have?" Carly felt her face flush and she looked down at her hands, staring at them as if they were the most interesting things ever.

"Well…" She started, feeling a little more confident and relaxed now that it was just her and Sam. "I wanted to know what a," She leaned over and whispered it in Sam's ear, still not feeling _that _confident. Sam's eyes widened as she realized what she just roped herself into.

"Well, Cupcake, that's what…" She trailed off and bolted for the stairs, leaving behind a very befuddled Carly.

"Thanks!" Carly shouted at her before laughing, "We _will _have this conversation later!" A groan sounded from a floor above and Carly shook her head as she headed toward the kitchen, her questions still unanswered.

For now.

* * *

**Well, *looks around awkwardly* don't you feel bad for Carly now? XD Heh. Leave me a review?**

**Merry Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/other....Uhm, that was _not _smooth, huh? Oh well. You get the picture.**


End file.
